A
VOICE FROM THE WILDERNESS
November'93
Dear Jim/Maurice
(& the gang),
It feels quite strange to be writing to you. Like, I suspect, many people
interested in 'Restrictive Practices', I'm extremely paranoid. While
I've never felt guilty about liking this sort of thing, I've always
been very worried about being 'found out. I've therefore been wary about
committing anything to paper lest it get into the hands of a potential
blackmailer - or worse, the Law. The nature of my Profession (I'm a
doctor - albeit a recently qualified one) means that being charged in
connection with 'obscene practices' could potentially lead to my losing
my source of income. As a result I tend to feel vulnerable even signing
my name on a cheque to FETTERS, and I can't deny that sending this letter
will cause me considerable anxiety.
So why am I writing it? Well, to be honest, I'm not sure ... but the
new 'European edition' has spurred me to take the risk. You invited
reactions to the publication: well it's difficult to know where to start;
if the previous FETTERS catalogue was a major milestone in my life,
the new one was nothing short of a Godsend!
The most obvious thing is how damn sexy it all is ...
... anyway, despite the gorgeous photos, it was the text that was most
satisfying for me - and something of an eye-opener. I've always been
aware that fetishism and Restrictive Practices are much more common
in the general public than is widely admitted; even so, it's still a
pleasant surprise to find that other people not only share your intimate
interests so exactly, but have thought out the issues concerned so clearly.
If like me, you're 'out in the wilderness', it's quite exhilarating
to read something that strikes so many cords.
Your 'Twelve Talking Points' (see page 54 for availability) rang true
on many counts. On the rare occasions when I've read about someone's
childhood sexual fascination for restraints, I'm struck by how closely
they echo my own. I too, feel that I've got as far as I've got completely
'under my own steam'. My preferences have been crystallising over many
years to the point where they're now quite distinct. As long as I can
remember, I've been vaguely curious about what it'd feel like if I couldn't
move my arms and legs . I was instigating 'tying up games' since age
six (is this a significant age?!) and recall being preoccupied with
the waterproof pushchair covers in the Mothercare book (how did the
toddler feel, with its' arms and legs trapped under the plastic and
only its face visible?) In Primary Five, I surprised my teacher (and
parents) by writing a 'What I Want To Be When I Grow Up' essay about
Escapology (I had recently seen Alan Alan escape from a strait-jacket
on some circus show on telly!) I remember vividly my first conscious
orgasm at the age of twelve, when I pushed both my legs into the same
trouser-leg of a pair of ski salopettes and managed to pinion my arms
with a too-small padded body warmer.
These are only some of the incidents I remember. The list could on.
My point is, I agree with your general assertion that an interest in
Erotic Bondage is instinctive in some people, and probably something
that they 'feel' their way towards from a fairly early age. Where it
springs from in the first place is unclear; most of the aetiological
theories I've read are fairly ropey, and I certainly was never spanked
or restrained or whatever as a child. There's evidence now that there
are genes for certain aspects of personality but they are mult-factorial
and very complicated, and when it comes to Restrictive Practices, Medicine
and Psychology can't even agree on the definitions! As you say, it all
boils down to 'This is how I am', and I certainly don't want to be 'cured'!
I think a tentative interest in Erotic Bondage is present in a greater
percentage of the population than you suggest, especially if considered
on a continuum - with leather fetishism. Biker jackets and other leather
clothing still provoke an ambiguous reaction from a lot of people, and
I think a very large proportion of the population choose their mode
of dress on the basis of subtle sexual frisson:. Zips, belts, straps,
fasteners, lacing or tight fitting clothes, boots ... maybe I'm labouring
the point here.
If you approach the subject from another angle; the preponderance of
'restrictive scenes' in the media and literature indicate a wide popularity.
When, as an adolescent, I spent hours in John Menzies flicking through
thrillers to find the 'tying-up scenes' (as I recall, Alistair McLean
and Dick Francis weren't bad), I'd occasionally wonder if anyone else
did the same. Many people read the Conan novels. John Norman's Gor cycle
is permanently out on loan from the public library. Why has John Fowles'
The Magus become a modern classic? Why are people interested in escape
artists? How many get a thrill from the Mad Max films, or the bondage
scenes in Nine To Five.
I'm convinced there's a whole host of mainstream cultural references
out there; and I'd be fascinated to know whether other people have been
influenced by the same pointers as me.
The single biggest stumbling-block for people like myself (and one you
touched upon in your 'Talking Points') is the feeling of isolation.
This has been altered slightly by the recent popularisation of fetish
fashions: Skin Two might seem glossy and insubstantial now, but I'll
never forget the feeling of excitement on receiving my first copy -
here were people like me! More importantly, it led the way to FETTERS
and my realisation that I wasn't alone. Publications like yours offer
hope to the solitary enthusiast but still represent a kind of inaccessible
Nirvana to those of us who are frustrated by a lack of willing co-participants.
After all, there is little point in lusting after an Arms-down straitjacket
if there's no-one to strap you into it ...
In my case, I've been collecting bits & pieces of appropriate equipment
for the past year or so (as you know) and I've assembled a modest (secret)
wardrobe of leather clothing. I find auto-bondage unsatisfying on the
whole and (although it's something of a large step from experimenting
in private) I feel I've reached the point where I'd like to try out
some of my fantasies with other games-players. I face a number of problems.
My home-town has a decidedly small-town mentality and any enquiries
regarding fetish contacts, however discrete, would be decidedly dangerous.
So I have to look further afield. I tentatively joined Der Putsch last
year, with a view to perhaps travelling down to London for one of their
parties. Realistically, this is unlikely as I have a healthy fear and
distrust of strangers.
I suppose the ideal solution would be to introduce a partner I know
pretty well to what I enjoy. But here there are difficulties too. Although
I'm getting better at recognising signs in people, I've yet to meet
anyone who has gone through the same gradual focusing process as myself.
This interest is the most dominant ingredient of my sexuality: I'm otherwise
attracted to both sexes (although the Leather-Master type features more
heavily in my fantasies than the dominatrix) but I find vanilla sex
uninteresting - more than one relationship has drifted because I've
had to fantasise to maintain excitement. My current relationship is
more promising than usual: she finds the idea of being restrained attractive
but has never tried it (I'm hoping the new saddle leather cuffs won't
scare her off!).
Also, I know my submissive streak is more powerful than the dominant,
and in my (admittedly slight) experience, men appear to be more genuinely
into the types of bondage I fantasise about ...
My apologies for the rambling nature of this letter. I realise you don't
really have the time to reply, but just writing to someone who won't
be shocked is quite cathartic (in a weirdly confessional way!) I look
forward to the order and, if I don't hear from you before, have a Merry
Christmas and a Happy Hogmanay!
Yours faithfully,